Thursday, August 9, 2012

Pity Parties? Good or Bad?

So yeah I haven't posted in awhile and on my first post back it's about a pity party I held for myself a couple weeks ago.

Here is the back ground I have decided to continue to go to school but this time for something different.  I am finishing up my business course.  And moving on to an AOS in Holistic Health Care with a concentration in Mind-Body Transformational Psychology Majoring in Spiritual Studies and Minoring in Holistic Nutrition (I hope to extend this to be a certificate in it as well).  And I am doing it on line through The Shouthwest Institute of Healing Arts.  I saw they had finical aide and accepted it from the government, one of the few to do so.  I was so happy I started researching the school and looking for what they offered and wow here is a course that has everything I have every wanted to study (well not everything but a ton).  And I can use Government help to pay for it.  Yes!

So I apply I do everything I am told to do I even check the website the government tells you to check to see if you owe them money, but I only checked with my married name thinking my ssn will catch anything from my maiden name.  Nope I was wrong.  After I applied and signed everything I was on cloud 9.  I was going to be something else in my life I was going to finally study something that I truly truly wanted to and so my kids that no matter what you passion you can follow it even years later and many searches for the right school.  But then the school contacted me to tell me I had an overpayment.  And this is when I lost it.

This is when I through the world largest pity party for myself.  I said I was never going to be more than a wife and a mother (which isn't bad I just feel the need to be more you know).  I cried and cried and said I couldn't get away from my past mistakes and really the fact is yes.  This one was coming to bite me in the butt but it was my mistake.

So for 24 hours I allowed myself to through a pity party.  I allowed myself to be mad, pissed, and sad.  And then I said enough was enough and I stood up and made the calls and emails I need to fix the issue.  I called the school that I had the over payment too.  Found out what I needed to do and how much I owed.  Sat and though ok I owe X amount where can I get it and not harm my family.  You see my husband is also getting out and we are working on paying off debt big time as to not worry about it when he is out.

So while I had my pity party, my husband was finding away to pay for school.  Man I love that man.  And he went to the VA and asked if my overpayment would make it where I couldn't use his 9/11 bill and they said no.  So score now we have time to wait for taxes to pay the over payment back and I can still start school when planed!

But I learned something and this is the reason for my post.  Is that pity parties can have a place. Listen I don't think throwing them all the time is the best thing.  But I can see them having their place.  Some times you need to pity yourself and work through your feelings to see it's not really that bad.  That there is a fix or a way or something for you.  A light at the end of the tunnel if you will.  See while I pitied myself I learned this wasn't a past biting me in the butt.  It was a past coming back that I didn't take care of and now is the time to do so.  And it was better to find out now with the time that I had than later.

But the pity party also showed me just how much I really really wanted this.  I mean I have had other schooling plans fall through and I was like ehh.  oh well.  This one was something I couldn't let go.  It was something that I had to do.  And while my Dad offered to help with the over payment.  I knew that wasn't something that I could do.  I had to fix my mistake and I had to go to school this is what I needed to do.  I was called to do!  And then the pity party was over.  But I found that this is a must do in life and something I will do.  I already have plans for what I will study after wards.  And I can't wait I know that life put bumps in the roads, forks in the roads and we all have to got on over them or pick the right way to go.  But it's ok sometimes to throw yourself a pity party.  It's ok to be upset and mad.  But the thing is don't let it last long.  Get out of it and do what you need to do to fix the problem!  Make a plan and work it.  It may not happen as you first dreamed it would but it will happen as long as you work towards it.

Life is just like that though sometimes everything goes as planed and sometimes it doesn't. I learned a lot about myself and what I want for my life in the last few weeks.  And I am making plans.  Going to school, paying back my over payment and moving on.  In the next few months my life will be crazy with the hubby getting out of the army.  But I am no longer scared I was but I am not now.  Because we are planning and making a lot of them for just in case.  I am going to go to school so when it's time for me to work it's not at a fast food place but doing something that I love.

I went from pitying myself, to empowering myself and loving myself.  And that's why I think some pity parties can be good.  I think you can learn and grow from them.